Hey, bleu bells, want to know a secret? When I moved to New York for the first time as an adult with some friends, I thought I would live the dream. I envisioned living like Carrie on Sex and the City and becoming a fashion model in the big city. Man, I had it all planned out. But it didn’t happen. I went to my first booking with a modeling agency, and know what happened nothing. They turned me down immediately. They didn’t even see me. I was broken. I hid this feeling deep down, but it grew, and I let it affect the next ten years of my life.

I used to think I was confident, but I was insecure. I can never compliment myself. I’ve always thought I could do more. It was never enough. I was never satisfied with my abilities, work ethic, body, skin, living arrangements, or overall life. I always wanted more. I constantly compared myself to others, including the future me. It is exhausting. I was tired. I was tired of trying to play perfectly. Sometimes life feels like a board game. So many pieces and trick questions, but you still end up rolling the dice and moving back three spaces.

I am telling you this because if you feel this way, you need to stop. It would be best if you did not experience this intolerable feeling. I wasted so many years not believing in myself, and time is something you cannot get back. So, I started taking control of my emotions, actions, and mindset. This is challenging. Trust me; I am learning something new every day and how I deal with things in an unhealthy way. We are programmed to deal with things how we see fit. This starts in childhood. You know the saying; you are a product of your environment.

I took my life into my own hands when I found an author named Mel Robbins. She changed my life. I started listening to a book on Audible called, The Five Second Rule. This book is AMAZING. I can’t stop talking about it to everyone. This book provides a simple skill to stop talking and complaining. Just do a straightforward thing every time you do not want to. Countdown from 5 to 1, and do it! It sounds so simple, but we make it difficult. I started by counting from 5 to 1 every time I had a negative thought and chanted; I am not thinking about that right now.

I learned I blocked myself from what I wanted in life. My thoughts became so powerful. Thoughts are only real if you give them the power to become real. Whenever I had a negative thought, it sent me back to the past, or I never addressed it, and it grew powers. It affected my mood, choices, relationships, and feelings about myself. As humans, we never realize we are self-defeating. The day I chose to DO better was when I became better. We know what to do; we are afraid to do it. So, using the words of Nike, Just do it. Remember, you have control of living the life you want.