4.16-secret topic 1: miscarriages
Why are miscarriages a secret topic? I did not know how personal and relevant this topic was until I recently experienced a miscarriage. After the excruciating pain, I instantly became scared. Was it me? Am I not physically capable of having kids? I blamed myself. I was spotting, and I did not go to the doctor immediately. I did this. I was scared because I did not know whom to talk to or ask for advice.
I felt less than a woman. Why did my body fail me? We wanted this baby. How can I be a woman and not have children? As women, we discuss many topics in conversation, but do we discuss the personal issues we experience? I know I don’t. I am afraid to. I am so scared of being judged. I did not know how to cope with reality. I was pregnant, and then I wasn’t, just like that. I had to accept it. I did not know how to feel about it. I was once ignorant of this topic. I thought women who suffered miscarriages had internal defects. I believed their bodies were not capable of birthing a child. In a blink of an eye, I became that woman. Remember, we become what we judge.
During my adolescence, I never discussed sex, menstrual cycles, birth control, boyfriends, marriage, or children with any woman, including my mother. I rarely discuss with women today unless I bring it up. Most, if not all, of the secret topics, are forbidden as if they do not exist. But they do. We experience them every day.
Want to know a secret? I struggled with blaming myself for the miscarriage until I spoke to my doctor. Research shows: Losing a baby in pregnancy through miscarriage or stillbirth is still a taboo subject worldwide, linked to stigma and shame. These taboo topics should be identified as Me-Too, to create safe spaces, coping tools, and acceptance for women. Rather than making it political.
I read an article where a reporter asked Rihanna, what is one thing you wish you knew, she said to pee after sex. I was like, YES! That is some vital information. This is the type of topic we, as women, should talk about. So, let’s break the generational curse and start talking.