You may be asking yourself, what is this topic about? Shaybleu is not married; how can she write about a topic involving marriage? I agree. About a year ago, saying this aloud ruffled my feathers. Recognizing I was unmarried in my early 30s made me feel low, but why? I never felt this way in my 20s. I never considered being a wife or dating men to become a wife. Honestly, I never cared.

Wait, no one told me this. Was I supposed to date men to become a wife? Wow! No one modeled this behavior. My parents were divorced. I never understood the value of marriage. What is marriage? What is a wife? I never engaged in conversations with any woman in my life regarding marriage. Maybe they did not know. How could they? Did my grandmother teach my mom? My mother and father did not teach me.

I laugh at myself now for thinking I could magically become a wife at 33 with no intention of being a wife from 18-32. No experience. I was applying for a job I never wanted to do. Dating a man for three years, with no intention of becoming his wife or barring his children, not befriending wives to see what it takes, but trying to plan the next girl’s trip and never experiencing an out-of-the-country trip with the man I’m dating. How can I forget? I bought a house as a single woman dating a man. Want to know a secret? I had no intention of building a family with the man I was dating when I bought the house.

I did not grow up with a father or husband figure in the household, so I did not know what a husband offers. My father was married, and I witnessed his family roles, but that was not my life. I was teased about what it felt like to have a two-parent household every other summer—honestly, I felt like a visitor.

My life was observing, experiencing, and choosing to adopt my mother’s traits. I was raised as a single independent woman by both parents. I decided to adopt specific traits and create unhealthy behaviors on my own.

In my late 20s, a past boyfriend told me I was not a wife. I was highly offended at the time and cussed him straight out. Want to know a secret? He was right. I did not know what it involves, the daily selfless work you must practice in a relationship with the right man to potentially grow into a wife. I did not date men for marriage mainly because I was selfish, only thinking about that moment and not the future.

We tend to blame our parents for the choices we make as adults. That is a cop-out. Every choice I made as an adult was my choice.

I finally admit it as I embrace this self-reflecting and self-accepting journey. I was not prepared or ready. How can I now demand to be a wife from a man I just started dating in my mid-30s? Am I entitled to a husband after 10 years of not wanting one?

We expect to get high-quality service from others when we know we fucked up in our past and decided one day on a sunny Sunday; I deserve to be a wife. We put the responsibilities on others and expect a different outcome.

Please leave a comment below on what you think about the topic. I love feedback and transparent conversations without judgment.