Hey there, my beautiful bleu bells! Today, I want to share a raw and honest reflection on my personal battle with failure this week. Yes, I lost. I can openly admit it. But you know what? I'm not going to let this setback define me. Instead, I will embrace my vulnerability and use it as a stepping stone to grow and learn. Fuck it. I fucked up. The truth feels good. Try it sometime. 

This week, my ego took the wheel, and I allowed myself to get lost in the whirlwind of fear and uncertainty. You see, I'm currently going through a layoff at work, and it sparked a chain reaction of narratives in my mind about my future. I let myself believe in the worst-case scenarios, feeding the stress monster within me with a barrage of lies and worries.

I manufactured my stress monster by succumbing to the fear of the unknown. I tried to predict how my life would pan out, and in doing so, I lost sight of the one thing I could truly control: my reactions to life's twists and turns. I forgot the immense power I possess to adapt, thrive, and conquer any challenge that comes my way.

In the past, I've proven my strength and resilience time and time again. I pushed through difficult times, like buying my first home despite knowing it was a bad idea, navigating a toxic relationship that I was too weak to leave, enduring the pain of a miscarriage that was out of my control, and battling my inner demons of insecurity and fear. I've faced the darkness and emerged more robust on the other side.

Yet, this week, I let my guard down. I let my ego become the monster that fed on my fears, doubts, and insecurities. I should have believed in myself and my abilities to rise above challenges and create something meaningful with my blog and newsletter. I allowed external circumstances to dictate my worth and potential.

But as I reflect on this, I realize that failure is not the end; it's an invitation to grow. It's a reminder of our humanity and vulnerability. It's an opportunity to reclaim our power and embrace the journey of self-discovery. 

I discovered I was scared. I let my fear stop my growth. I ate all the wrong foods, did not bother to work out, stayed up until 11:00 pm every day this week feeding the monster, which is my ego,  and blamed everything under the sun because I’m taking it personally. The shit does not exist. It was all in my head. What is happening is going to happen whether I like it or not. How I deal with it is up to me. That is how powerful we are. We lose power when we allow feelings, emotions, narratives, fear, and insecurity to take control.

The only person who holds you back the most is yourself. If you believe the narrative you create about yourself, it becomes true. If you think you are weak, then you are weak. If you believe you are a failure and continue not doing anything about it, then you are a failure. Everyone fails at something, but that does not mean you are a failure. So, use the Fuck It method and keep going. Say fuck it to everything that brings self-doubt. As I said, it’s all in your head unless you believe it. I know I fucked up this week, but now I can act on my fuck up. 

I may have stumbled this week, but I'm not defeated. I acknowledge my fears and insecurities, face them head-on, and find the strength to keep moving forward. I have my health, my energy, my family's love, my boyfriend’s support in my ability,  and the unwavering support of my excellent students. Most importantly, I have life – a gift not to be taken for granted.

So, my dear bleu bells, let's embrace our vulnerabilities together. Let's be unapologetically human and acknowledge that failure is a part of the journey. We will stumble and fall but rise more vigorously and determined than ever.

From this moment on, I refuse to let my ego hold me back. I believe in myself and my ability to navigate challenges gracefully and with courage. I am ready to pick up the pieces, dust myself off, and reignite my passion for creating content that matters. 

Thank you for being a part of this journey with me. Your support, love, and understanding mean the world. Let's learn, grow, and conquer together. We are in this together; failure is a stepping stone to success.

Shaybleu 💙✨ #EmbraceVulnerability