4-23 SELF-DOUBT
Self-doubt
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Self-doubt 〰️
Hey, bleu bells, want to know a secret? When I moved to New York for the first time as an adult with some friends, I thought I would live the dream. I envisioned living like Carrie on Sex and the City and becoming a fashion model in the big city. Man, I had it all planned out. But it didn’t happen. I went to my first booking with a modeling agency, and know what happened nothing. They turned me down immediately. They didn’t even see me. I was broken. I hid this feeling deep down, but it grew, and I let it affect the next ten years of my life.
I used to think I was confident, but I was insecure. I can never compliment myself. I’ve always thought I could do more. It was never enough. I was never satisfied with my abilities, work ethic, body, skin, living arrangements, or overall life. I always wanted more. I constantly compared myself to others, including the future me. It is exhausting. I was tired. I was tired of trying to play perfectly. Sometimes life feels like a board game. So many pieces and trick questions, but you still end up rolling the dice and moving back three spaces.
I am telling you this because if you feel this way, you need to stop. It would be best if you did not experience this intolerable feeling. I wasted so many years not believing in myself, and time is something you cannot get back. So, I started taking control of my emotions, actions, and mindset. This is challenging. Trust me; I am learning something new every day and how I deal with things in an unhealthy way. We are programmed to deal with things how we see fit. This starts in childhood. You know the saying; you are a product of your environment.
I took my life into my own hands when I found an author named Mel Robbins. She changed my life. I started listening to a book on Audible called, The Five Second Rule. This book is AMAZING. I can’t stop talking about it to everyone. This book provides a simple skill to stop talking and complaining. Just do a straightforward thing every time you do not want to. Countdown from 5 to 1, and do it! It sounds so simple, but we make it difficult. I started by counting from 5 to 1 every time I had a negative thought and chanted; I am not thinking about that right now.
I learned I blocked myself from what I wanted in life. My thoughts became so powerful. Thoughts are only real if you give them the power to become real. Whenever I had a negative thought, it sent me back to the past, or I never addressed it, and it grew powers. It affected my mood, choices, relationships, and feelings about myself. As humans, we never realize we are self-defeating. The day I chose to DO better was when I became better. We know what to do; we are afraid to do it. So, using the words of Nike, Just do it. Remember, you have control of living the life you want.
“You are the writer and storyteller of your life, make it count for something ”