4.16-secret topic 1: miscarriages

Why don't we talk about this?

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Why don't we talk about this? 〰️

Why are miscarriages a secret topic? I did not know how personal and relevant this topic was until I recently experienced a miscarriage. After the excruciating pain, I instantly became scared. Was it me? Am I not physically capable of having kids? I blamed myself. I was spotting, and I did not go to the doctor immediately. I did this. I was scared because I did not know whom to talk to or ask for advice.

I felt less than a woman. Why did my body fail me? We wanted this baby. How can I be a woman and not have children? As women, we discuss many topics in conversation, but do we discuss the personal issues we experience? I know I don’t. I am afraid to. I am so scared of being judged. I did not know how to cope with reality. I was pregnant, and then I wasn’t, just like that. I had to accept it. I did not know how to feel about it. I was once ignorant of this topic. I thought women who suffered miscarriages had internal defects. I believed their bodies were not capable of birthing a child. In a blink of an eye, I became that woman. Remember, we become what we judge.

According to Research, miscarriages are caused by a chromosome defect, which is very common; more than 30% of pregnancies end in miscarriage.

During my adolescence, I never discussed sex, menstrual cycles, birth control, boyfriends, marriage, or children with any woman, including my mother. I rarely discuss with women today unless I bring it up. Most, if not all, of the secret topics, are forbidden as if they do not exist. But they do. We experience them every day.

Want to know a secret? I struggled with blaming myself for the miscarriage until I spoke to my doctor. Research shows: Losing a baby in pregnancy through miscarriage or stillbirth is still a taboo subject worldwide, linked to stigma and shame. These taboo topics should be identified as Me-Too, to create safe spaces, coping tools, and acceptance for women. Rather than making it political.

I read an article where a reporter asked Rihanna, what is one thing you wish you knew, she said to pee after sex. I was like, YES! That is some vital information. This is the type of topic we, as women, should talk about. So, let’s break the generational curse and start talking.

Stand up tall…