Hitting Pause, Not Stop – My Current Chapter
Hey, Bleu Bells,
Today, I’m coming to you not with answers but with raw honesty. Have you ever found yourself at a crossroads, with the blinking cursor on your screen feeling more like a ticking clock? That’s where I am. I stare at it, waiting for the words to flow, but all I hear is silence. And, yeah, it’s deafening.
I’ve hit a phase where talking about change feels like a broken record. I’m tired. Tired of the same internal dialogues, the comparisons, the endless loop of “should haves” and “could haves.” It feels like I’m running on a treadmill of thoughts but going nowhere.
I’m sitting here, wrestling with a paradox. How can I spill my thoughts into this blog and preach about growth, life, and pushing boundaries when, behind the scenes, I’m struggling to take my advice? It feels hypocritical, almost dishonest. And that’s not what I stand for or what I want for us.
Lately, my world has been more about Grey’s Anatomy reruns than about making moves or even just being. I’ve cocooned myself in this bubble, a place where it’s easier to hide than to face the music of my own life’s symphony. I’m in a state of self-imposed isolation because, honestly, I’m not walking my talk. And that realization? It stings.
Why offer a viewpoint when I’m grappling with the same dilemmas quietly? How can I critique or guide when I’m mirroring the very actions I discuss? It’s a tough pill to swallow, recognizing that I’ve become a spectator in my narrative.
So, what’s going on with me? It’s simple yet complex—I’m human. I’m navigating the murky waters of self-doubt, inertia, and the daunting task of aligning my actions with my aspirations. And I guess, in a way, that’s okay. It’s part of the journey, part of growth, and part of the very essence of being real with oneself.
But here’s the silver lining—I haven’t hit stop; I’ve just hit pause. It’s a moment to reflect, to breathe, and to realign. And perhaps that’s what we all need sometimes. A pause. Not to give up, but to gather strength, to recalibrate, and to come back stronger, more authentic, and ready to live by the very words we share.
So, Bleu Bells, bear with me as I navigate this chapter. It’s not the end; it’s a pivot. A pivot towards honesty, towards healing, and towards harnessing the courage to practice what I preach. And when I emerge, I promise to bring you along on a journey that’s not just spoken, but lived.
Till then, let’s embrace the pause, the silence, and the chance to just be. Because in that quiet, there’s growth waiting to happen.
With all the vulnerability I can muster,
Shay 💙
