Girl, everybody else's problems are not your problems. You have your own life to live.
Talk It Out with Shay | Shaybleu.com | 5–6 minute read
Girl, let me tell you something.
MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS.
And before you get offended, let me explain what I mean.
I'm not talking about being nosy. I'm not talking about gossiping. And I'm definitely not talking about what somebody thinks about your life.
I'm talking about something a little deeper.
Why the fuck are we making everybody else's problems OUR problems?
Your family. Your friends. Your coworkers. Your partner. People you love. People you've known your entire life.
Something happens in THEIR life, and somehow it becomes YOUR responsibility.
Now you're stressed.
Now you're frustrated.
Now you're losing sleep.
Now you're trying to figure out how to fix something that wasn't even yours to fix in the first place.
And the crazy part?
Sometimes the person whose problem it actually is isn't even as worried about it as YOU are! 😂
Girl, WHAT ARE WE DOING?
That's what I had to talk myself through this week.
Because sometimes the biggest thing standing between you and the life you're trying to build isn't another person.
It's how much of yourself you're giving away to shit that isn't yours.
Just Because You Love Them Doesn't Mean It's Your Problem
Let's talk about family.
Because family will have you feeling like everything is your responsibility.
Somebody makes a decision.
Somebody gets into a situation.
Somebody needs something.
And because you're the person who usually figures shit out, somehow everybody expects you to figure this out too.
And sometimes nobody even asked you!
You just automatically start trying to solve the problem.
Because that's what you do.
You care.
You want things to work out.
You don't want to see people struggle.
And there's nothing wrong with that.
But here's the question:
Who told you that caring about somebody means taking responsibility for everything happening in their life?
You can love somebody and still let them figure their own shit out.
You can support somebody without carrying the entire situation.
You can listen without immediately coming up with a solution.
And sometimes you can say:
"Girl, I love you, but that's something you're going to have to figure out."
Not because you're mean.
Not because you don't care.
But because everybody has a life they're responsible for living.
Including YOU.
Stop Taking Everything So Damn Personally
Now, this is another part of it.
Everything that happens around you is not about you.
Read that again.
EVERYTHING IS NOT ABOUT YOU.
Somebody doesn't call.
Somebody makes a decision you don't agree with.
Somebody handles a situation differently than you would.
Somebody says something.
Somebody doesn't invite you.
Somebody changes their plans.
And suddenly you're sitting there trying to figure out what it means.
"Why would they do that?"
"Why didn't they tell me?"
"Why are they acting like that?"
"Did I do something?"
Girl, maybe.
Or maybe they are simply living their own life.
Maybe they're dealing with something you know nothing about.
Maybe they made a decision that has absolutely nothing to do with you.
And maybe—just maybe—you don't need to spend the next three days analyzing it.
I'm learning that I don't have to attach myself emotionally to every situation.
I don't have to make somebody else's decision a statement about me.
And I don't have to react to everything that makes me uncomfortable.
Sometimes the most peaceful thing you can do is let something be what it is without making it your personal problem.
Girl, You Have Enough Shit of Your Own
And here's where I really had to look at myself.
Because I have goals.
I have responsibilities.
I have things I'm trying to accomplish.
I'm raising a child.
I'm working.
I'm building Shaybleu.
I'm navigating my career.
I'm trying to create a life that actually feels good to ME.
So why would I spend all this energy carrying situations that don't directly require anything from me?
Why am I giving my attention to things I cannot control?
Why am I allowing somebody else's decisions to determine how MY day is going to go?
And the more I thought about it, the more I realized something.
Every minute I spend trying to manage somebody else's life is a minute I'm not using to manage my own.
Now, of course, life isn't always that simple.
Sometimes people we love genuinely need help. Sometimes our responsibilities overlap. And sometimes we have to show up for people even when it's inconvenient.
That's real life.
But there is a difference between helping somebody and making their entire situation your responsibility.
And I have to know the difference.
Because I only have so much time.
So much energy.
So much emotional capacity.
And girl, I cannot keep giving all of that away and then wondering why I have nothing left for myself.
Nobody Is Coming to Live Your Life for You
Here's the part that might sting a little.
Nobody is responsible for living your life but YOU.
Not your friends.
Not your family.
Not your partner.
Not your coworkers.
YOU.
And that doesn't mean nobody cares about you.
It means nobody can make your decisions for you.
Nobody can consistently do the work you're supposed to do.
Nobody can take every step toward the goals you keep talking about.
And nobody can give you back the time you've spent worrying about things you couldn't change.
You have one life.
ONE.
And while you're busy figuring out everybody else's problems, your own life is still happening.
Those goals you keep saying you want?
They're still waiting.
Those habits you keep saying you need to change?
They're still there.
Those decisions you've been avoiding?
Girl, they haven't disappeared.
So at some point, you have to ask yourself:
"Why am I so invested in fixing everybody else's shit when I have my own shit I need to figure out?"
Whew.
Because that's the conversation.
Not what everybody else should be doing.
What should YOU be doing?
Make Your Problems Something You Can Actually Work On
Now, this is where I want us to shift our thinking.
Because I'm not saying you should ignore every problem in your life.
I'm saying you need to learn how to identify which problems actually belong to you.
And then figure out what you can do about them.
For example:
If you're unhappy in your career, what steps can you take toward something different?
If you're frustrated with your finances, what can you start learning or changing?
If you're struggling with consistency, what routines or support do you need?
If you're unhappy with how you're spending your time, what can you rearrange?
And if somebody else's behavior is affecting you, what boundary or conversation is within YOUR control?
See the difference?
Stop trying to control what everybody else is doing and start working on what YOU can actually influence.
Because that's where your power is.
Not in making somebody change.
Not in getting everybody to understand your perspective.
Not in convincing somebody to make the decision you would make.
But in recognizing what belongs to you and deciding what you're going to do about it.
And sometimes that decision is simply:
"I'm not carrying this anymore."
You Don't Have to Respond to Every Damn Thing
Girl, this one right here.
Everything does not require a reaction.
Not every comment requires a response.
Not every disagreement requires a conversation.
And not every family situation requires you to become the designated problem solver.
Sometimes you can hear something and keep going.
Sometimes you can disagree and move on.
Sometimes you can let somebody make a decision without giving your entire opinion.
And sometimes you can simply say:
"That's not my business."
Because peace isn't always about getting everybody around you to act differently.
Sometimes peace is about learning what you're no longer going to participate in.
And I don't mean ignoring something that genuinely affects your safety, your child, or your responsibilities.
I mean all that extra shit we voluntarily pick up.
The situations we replay in our heads.
The decisions we keep questioning.
The problems we keep trying to solve for grown people who have their own lives to live.
Girl, put that shit DOWN.
You have enough to carry.
Here's Your Pep Talk for the Week
Mind your own fucking business.
And I mean REALLY mind it.
Pay attention to your own goals.
Your own decisions.
Your own responsibilities.
Your own habits.
Your own happiness.
Your own future.
Stop making everything happening around you your personal responsibility.
Stop assuming somebody else's decisions are about you.
Stop giving away your peace trying to control situations that were never yours to control.
And start asking yourself:
"What in MY life actually needs my attention right now?"
Because you only get one life.
And it's your responsibility to do something with it.
Not your family's responsibility.
Not your friends' responsibility.
Not anybody else's.
YOURS.
And girl, I don't know about you, but I have too much shit I want to accomplish to keep getting distracted by everybody else's problems.
Before You Go, Ask Yourself This
This week, I want you to think about three questions.
1. What am I carrying right now that doesn't actually belong to me?
2. What situation am I taking personally that might have absolutely nothing to do with me?
3. What problem in MY life could I start working on if I redirected that energy toward myself?
And don't just think about the answers.
Do something with them.
Maybe you need to set a boundary.
Maybe you need to stop involving yourself in a situation.
Maybe you need to have a conversation.
Or maybe you need to take one step toward something you've been putting off.
Whatever it is, start there.
Because at the end of the day...
You cannot live everybody else's life and still expect to fully live your own.
Girl, mind your business.
And make YOUR business something worth showing up for.
Girl, Need to Talk Some Shit Out? 💙🩷
Sometimes you have something going on, and you just need somebody to listen.
Not judge you.
Not tell you what you should've done.
Not make your situation about them.
Just LISTEN.
That's why I created Talk It Out with Shay.
These are free, intentional conversations about real-life shit.
Career. Motherhood. Relationships. Family. Decisions. Starting over. Whatever is on your mind.
I'm not a therapist, counselor, or professional life coach.
I'm just Shay.
Think of it like talking to a friend who isn't already involved in the situation.
Maybe you need another perspective.
Maybe you need a little clarity.
Or maybe you don't need any advice at all.
Maybe you just need to get something off your chest.
And that's okay too.
For when you need a little time to talk something through.
For when there's more to the story.
Choose an available time for a free phone or video conversation.
BOOK YOUR FREE TALK IT OUT WITH SHAY SESSION
No judgment. No pressure. Just a real conversation.
Listen to This Week's Podcast 🎙️
Mind Your Own Fucking Business! | Talk It Out with Shay
This week's conversation is about taking responsibility for your own life, letting go of problems that don't belong to you, and learning not to take everything personally.
Listen to Talk It Out with Shay on Spotify
And if somebody you know needs this reminder, share this blog with them.
Until next Sunday...
Mind your own fucking business. You've got a life to live.
Sometimes you just need a little pep talk.
With love, laughter, and a little real talk,
Shay 💙🩷
Talk It Out with Shay | Shaybleu.com
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