Talk It Out with Shay | ShayBleu.com | October 2026
Sometimes you need a pep talk. And sometimes, girl, you need a fucking reality check.
Girl, let me tell you something.
I’m tired.
And I’m not talking about the kind of tired where you need to go home, take a shower, put your pajamas on, and get some sleep.
I’m talking about being tired of my own damn bullshit.
Yes. MINE.
Because I can sit here and tell you all day what I’m going to do.
I’m going to change careers.
I’m going to build my brand.
I’m going to be consistent.
I’m going to work out.
I’m going to record my podcast.
I’m going to go LIVE every single day.
Girl, I’m going to do this, I’m going to do that, I’m going to do every damn thing.
And then what happens?
I DON’T DO THE SHIT.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I do a lot. I’m a working mother. I’m an assistant principal. I’m raising my daughter. I’m managing responsibilities. I’m trying to build something outside of my career. I’m doing the best I can with a lot of moving pieces.
But at what point do I stop using everything I’m doing as an explanation for everything I’m NOT doing?
Because that’s where I’m at right now.
I’m not interested in another conversation where I tell myself everything is going to be okay, give myself a little encouragement, and then go right back to doing the same damn thing.
No.
Shay, GET BUSY.
And that’s where this conversation starts.
Girl, I’m Calling Myself Out First
Let me make something clear.
I’m not sitting here telling Black women to get their shit together while I pretend mine is together.
Absolutely not.
I’m talking to myself first.
Because how the hell can I have a podcast about accountability, consistency, growth, and taking action when I keep making commitments to myself that I don’t follow?
And that’s uncomfortable to admit.
Especially when you’re a woman who’s used to being responsible.
Used to leading.
Used to being the person who figures shit out.
Used to having the answers.
At work, I’m the person who walks into a classroom, observes what’s happening, identifies what’s not working, and helps somebody make an adjustment.
I can coach somebody else in the moment.
I can tell them exactly what needs to change.
I can identify the gap between what they’re supposed to be doing and what’s actually happening.
But then I come home, look at my own goals, and suddenly I have 15 different explanations for why I haven’t done what I said I was going to do.
Girl, WHAT?
How does that make sense?
And I’m not saying I’m not working hard.
I’m saying working hard and working toward the life you actually want are not always the same damn thing.
You can be busy all day and still not move one step closer to your personal goals.
You can be exhausted from giving everything to your job and still have nothing left for the thing you say you want to build.
And that’s the conversation I need to have with myself.
Not another conversation about what I’m going to do.
A conversation about what I’m actually doing.
Black Women, We Need to Talk
And I want to talk specifically to us for a minute.
Black women.
The women who are working, raising children, managing households, taking care of other people, building careers, trying to get ahead financially, and somehow still trying to figure out what the hell they want for themselves.
Girl, I see you.
Because I’m living it too.
But here’s what I want to ask us.
When do we stop putting ourselves last and then acting surprised that our own dreams aren’t moving forward?
And listen, I’m not ignoring the real barriers.
Money is real.
Childcare is real.
Discrimination is real.
Workplace pressure is real.
Being exhausted is real.
Not having enough support is real.
Sometimes you really are doing everything you can just to get through the day.
But I also know there are moments when I have a choice.
A small one.
Maybe not the choice to change my entire situation overnight.
But the choice to do one thing differently.
And sometimes I don’t make that choice.
Sometimes I choose what’s comfortable.
Sometimes I choose to complain.
Sometimes I choose to scroll.
Sometimes I choose to put something off.
Sometimes I choose to make another plan instead of following the one I already made.
And if I’m being accountable, I have to admit that.
Because I don’t want us to keep having the same conversations year after year about the things we wish were different.
I want us to start asking:
What am I doing today to change the part I actually control?
Not what everybody else needs to do.
What am I doing?
Because our time is valuable.
And I’m tired of treating my own time like I have an unlimited supply of it.
I Said I Was Going LIVE Every Day. Did I?
Now, let’s talk about my own shit.
I had this big idea.
I was going to start going LIVE on YouTube every day.
Every. Single. Day.
Girl, I was ready!
I had the topics.
I had the motivation.
I had the vision.
I was going to get on there, talk to women, share my experiences, and build this community through real conversations.
And then YouTube wouldn’t let me go LIVE from my phone.
Okay.
BET.
I figured out what I needed to do.
Got the subscribers.
Still couldn’t go LIVE.
Okay.
BET AGAIN.
I’ll record instead.
And I did record.
But then came the next day.
And the next.
And work got frustrating.
And I got tired.
And I started thinking about everything else I needed to do.
And the consistency I was so excited about?
Girl, where the fuck did it go?
Now, I could sit here and tell you all the reasons.
And some of those reasons would be legitimate.
But I also have to acknowledge something.
I made a commitment before I had a realistic plan for keeping it.
And that’s on me.
Because saying I’m going LIVE every day sounds exciting.
But did I actually sit down and figure out what that meant?
What time am I going LIVE?
What happens when I have a long day at work?
What happens when my daughter needs me?
What happens when I’m exhausted?
What’s my backup plan?
How am I preparing my content?
What am I willing to stop doing so I have time for this?
Girl, I had the vision.
But did I have the structure?
Not enough.
And now I’m looking at myself like:
Shay, you know better.
You literally coach people on planning, preparation, execution, and follow-through.
SO WHY ARE YOU NOT APPLYING THAT SHIT TO YOUR OWN LIFE?
And that’s where the accountability comes in.
Not beating myself up.
Not telling myself I’m a failure.
But recognizing the gap and doing something about it.
I’m Not Looking for Another Feel-Good Conversation
And this is where Talk It Out with Shay is changing.
Because when I first started thinking about this podcast, I wanted to create a space where women could talk.
And I still want that.
I still believe sometimes you need somebody to listen.
Sometimes you need encouragement.
Sometimes you need somebody to say, “Girl, I understand.”
But you know what else I need?
I need somebody who can say:
“Okay, Shay. I hear you. Now what the fuck are you going to do about it?”
Because I can talk about my problems all day.
I can explain why I’m frustrated with my career.
I can talk about being tired.
I can talk about wanting more money.
I can talk about wanting to build something for myself.
I can talk about how difficult it is to balance motherhood, work, and personal goals.
And those conversations matter.
But at some point, I need to move.
I need to stop treating talking about the goal like it’s the same as working toward it.
Because it’s not.
And I don’t want this podcast to become another place where we all sit around, agree that life is hard, encourage each other, and then never change anything.
Girl, no.
We’re going to talk that real shit.
We’re going to identify the problem.
We’re going to acknowledge our part.
We’re going to figure out what we can actually do.
And then we’re going to check whether we did it.
Including me.
Especially me.
The Same Shit I Tell Teachers, I Need to Tell Myself
Let me give you an example from work.
As an assistant principal, I observe instruction.
And when I observe a teacher, I don’t want to just tell that teacher:
“You need to improve.”
What the hell does that mean?
Improve what?
How?
When?
What should I see differently?
If I observe that students aren’t getting enough opportunities to practice, I need to identify why.
Maybe the teacher is talking too much.
Maybe the directions aren’t clear.
Maybe the lesson pacing is off.
Maybe students don’t understand what they’re supposed to do.
So we identify the gap.
And then we make a specific adjustment.
Maybe the teacher needs a timer.
Maybe students need more opportunities to respond.
Maybe the teacher needs to model one example and release students to practice.
Maybe the teacher needs to stop and check for understanding before moving on.
Whatever it is, the feedback needs to lead to an action.
Because saying “do better” isn’t enough.
And girl, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing to myself.
“Shay, you need to be more consistent.”
Okay.
HOW?
“Shay, you need to focus.”
ON WHAT?
“Shay, you need to get serious about your goals.”
WHAT DOES THAT LOOK LIKE TODAY?
Because if I can’t identify the behavior that needs to change, how the hell am I supposed to change it?
That’s what I’m realizing.
I need to coach myself with the same specificity I expect from the people I coach professionally.
Not just motivation.
ACTIONABLE FEEDBACK.
Stop Telling Me What You’re Going to Do. Show Me.
And I know this sounds harsh.
But sometimes I need harsh.
Not disrespect.
Not somebody tearing me down.
Not somebody making me feel worthless.
I’m talking about a real conversation where somebody can challenge me without making excuses for me.
Because I’m very good at explaining things.
Girl, I can explain the hell out of a situation.
I can tell you why something didn’t happen.
I can tell you what got in the way.
I can tell you how much I had on my plate.
And sometimes it's all true.
But here’s the question.
Did I do what I said I would do?
If the answer is no, then the answer is no.
I don’t need to lie to myself about that.
I need to understand what happened and decide what changes.
Maybe I made an unrealistic commitment.
Maybe I didn’t prepare.
Maybe I needed help.
Maybe I needed rest.
Maybe I simply chose not to do it.
And those are different problems with different solutions.
But I can’t fix any of them if I won’t acknowledge what’s actually happening.
And I think that’s something we need to practice more.
Being able to say:
“You’re right. I didn’t do it.”
Without turning that admission into a whole damn identity crisis.
Because missing a goal doesn’t mean you’re incapable.
But repeatedly missing it without making an adjustment?
Girl, that’s something we need to talk about.
Your Feelings Are Real. But What Are You Doing With Them?
And let me say this, because I don’t want my message misunderstood.
I’m not saying ignore your feelings.
I’m not saying push through exhaustion until you burn yourself out.
I’m not saying everybody should just work harder.
Sometimes working harder is the last damn thing you need.
Sometimes you need rest.
Sometimes you need therapy.
Sometimes you need help with your children.
Sometimes you need to leave an unhealthy environment.
Sometimes you need somebody to share the responsibilities you’ve been carrying alone.
But sometimes you also need to admit that you’re avoiding the thing you know you need to do.
And I want to get better at recognizing the difference.
Because I don’t want to confuse genuine exhaustion with avoidance.
And I don’t want to call myself lazy when what I really need is support.
But I also don’t want to call everything exhaustion when sometimes I’m simply choosing not to follow through.
That’s the kind of honesty I want to practice.
Not cruelty. Honesty.
Because I can care about myself and still hold myself accountable.
I can give myself grace and still have expectations.
I can recognize that life is hard and still decide to make a change.
Those things can exist together.
Girl, Our Time Is UP
And when I say our time is up, I’m not saying we’re too old.
I’m 39.
I’m a mother of a two-year-old.
I’m still building.
I’m still learning.
I’m still trying to figure out what my next chapter looks like.
And I know there are women older than me who are just getting started.
So no, I’m not saying the opportunity is gone.
I’m saying the time for me to keep postponing my own life is up.
I’m tired of telling myself I’ll do it when things calm down.
Because when the hell does life calm down?
When work gets easier?
When the bills disappear?
When motherhood becomes less demanding?
When everybody else stops needing something?
Girl, we might be waiting forever.
And I don’t want to keep waiting.
I want to make room for the things that matter to me while I’m living the life I have right now.
Not some imaginary life where everything is perfectly organized and I have unlimited time and energy.
This life.
This schedule.
These responsibilities.
This version of me.
Because that’s the only place I can start.
So What the Fuck Am I Actually Changing?
Now here’s the part that matters.
Because I can’t write this whole damn blog about accountability and then end it with another motivational speech.
What am I actually going to do?
First, I’m going to stop making commitments just because they sound good.
If I say I’m going to record every day, I need to look at my actual schedule and decide whether that’s realistic.
And if it isn’t?
Then I need to choose a commitment I can keep.
Because consistency isn’t about making the biggest promise.
It’s about following through on the one you make.
Second, I’m going to stop confusing preparation with execution.
I love a plan.
I love a list.
I love organizing things.
But girl, at some point, you have to stop planning and actually DO the shit.
So if the goal is recording a podcast, the action is recording.
Not redesigning the website.
Not making another content calendar.
Not spending two hours choosing a title.
RECORDING.
Third, I’m going to give myself a smaller starting point.
Maybe I don’t have 30 minutes.
Maybe I have ten.
Okay.
Record for ten.
Maybe I can’t do everything on my list.
Okay.
Choose one thing.
Maybe I’m exhausted and genuinely need to rest.
Okay.
Rest, and make a realistic plan for when I’m going to return to it.
Because I don’t need to keep creating an all-or-nothing situation where I either do everything perfectly or do nothing at all.
And fourth, I’m going to check myself.
Not just once.
Consistently.
Did I do what I said?
If yes, keep going.
If no, why not?
And what needs to change?
That’s it.
Not a whole damn production.
Make the commitment. Do the work. Check the results. Adjust.
And I’m Going to Need Some Help
Another thing I’m learning is that I can’t keep pretending I can do everything by myself.
Sometimes the coach needs coaching.
Sometimes the person who’s always encouraging everybody else needs somebody to encourage her.
Sometimes the person who holds everybody else accountable needs somebody to say:
“Girl, what happened to that thing you said you were going to do?”
And I need to be open to hearing that.
Because I don’t want people around me who just agree with everything I say.
I want people who genuinely care about me.
People who can celebrate me.
People who can support me.
And people who can challenge me when I’m getting in my own way.
Not because they want to control me.
Not because they know everything.
But because real support isn’t always comfortable.
Sometimes love sounds like encouragement.
And sometimes love sounds like:
“Girl, you know you need to get your shit together.”
And I need both.
This Is What Talk It Out with Shay Is Becoming
So if you’ve been following my podcast, I want you to understand something.
I’m still Shay.
I’m still going to laugh.
I’m still going to talk about motherhood, careers, relationships, money, goals, and figuring life out.
I’m still going to share my experiences.
And I’m still going to have conversations like I’m sitting across from one of my girlfriends.
But I’m not interested in pretending anymore.
I’m not interested in making every conversation sound pretty.
I’m not interested in giving you a bunch of inspirational quotes that sound good but don’t lead anywhere.
And I’m definitely not interested in presenting myself like I’ve mastered something I’m still working through.
Girl, I’m in this shit WITH you.
I’m learning.
I’m adjusting.
I’m making mistakes.
I’m figuring out what works.
And sometimes I’m going to come on here and tell you exactly where I fucked up.
Because that’s real life.
That’s the content.
That’s the conversation.
And that’s what I want this space to be.
No filter. No bullshit. Real accountability.
Not accountability as punishment.
Accountability as a way to stop repeating the same patterns without doing anything about them.
Girl, Here’s Your Reality Check
So here’s what I want to ask you.
What have you been saying you’re going to do?
Seriously.
What’s that thing?
That job you’ve been wanting to apply for?
That business you’ve been talking about starting?
That conversation you’ve been avoiding?
That appointment you keep putting off?
That boundary you keep saying you’re going to establish?
That goal you keep pushing to next Monday?
And here’s the next question.
What’s actually stopping you?
Not the answer you give everybody else.
The real answer.
Is it money?
Is it time?
Is it fear?
Is it exhaustion?
Is it lack of support?
Is it that you don’t know where to start?
Or is it that you’ve gotten comfortable talking about the goal without doing the work?
Because once you know what’s getting in the way, you can start identifying what needs to change.
And no, I don’t expect you to fix your entire life today.
I’m not fixing mine today either.
But I do expect myself to stop pretending that nothing can change until everything changes.
Because sometimes one small adjustment is enough to get moving.
And sometimes the first step is admitting:
“Girl, I haven’t been doing what I said I was going to do.”
Okay.
Now what?
I’m Starting With Me
So here’s where I am.
I’m 39.
I’m a mom.
I’m a career woman.
I’m building ShayBleu.
I’m trying to create opportunities for myself outside of my current profession.
I’m trying to be consistent with my health.
I’m trying to show up for my family.
I’m trying to figure out what I want the next chapter of my life to look like.
And I’m tired of feeling like I’m constantly preparing to become the woman I keep saying I want to be.
Because at some point, I have to start acting like her.
Not perfectly.
Not every second of every day.
But intentionally.
And that means being willing to look at my own behavior and say:
“Shay, this isn’t working.”
Then making an adjustment.
Even when I don’t feel like it.
Even when it’s uncomfortable.
Even when I would rather do something else.
Because I want more for myself.
And wanting more means I have to be willing to do something different.
Not everything.
But something.
Today.
Let’s Talk That Real Shit
And that’s what I want to leave you with.
Girl, I’m not here to tell you that everything is going to magically work out.
I’m not here to promise that if you work hard enough, life will give you everything you want.
Because that’s not how life works.
But I am here to ask you something.
Are you showing up for yourself in the ways that are actually within your control?
And if you’re not, what’s one thing you can change?
Because that’s where I’m starting.
With me.
My habits.
My commitments.
My follow-through.
My excuses.
My choices.
And my next move.
I’m not waiting to become some perfect version of myself before I start doing the things that matter to me.
I’m starting with the woman I am right now.
And girl, she has some work to do.
But guess what?
SHE’S GETTING BUSY.
And I want you to get busy too.
Not because somebody else is pressuring you.
Not because you have something to prove.
But because you deserve to give your own goals the same attention you’ve been giving everybody else’s.
So here’s the question we’re going to keep asking on Talk It Out with Shay:
Girl, what did you say you were going to do, and did you actually do that shit?
And if you didn’t?
What are you doing differently?
Because our time is too valuable to waste pretending we’re going to change without changing anything.
OUR TIME IS UP.
Not our opportunity.
Not our potential.
Not our future.
Our time for the same old bullshit.
And I’m starting with myself.
Girl, Come Talk That Real Shit with Shay! 💙🩷
Maybe you’re reading this thinking:
“Shay, girl, I needed somebody to say that.”
Or maybe you’re thinking:
“Shay, I know what I need to do. I just can’t seem to get myself to do it.”
Well, girl, let’s talk.
That’s why I created Talk It Out with Shay.
These are free, real conversations where you can talk about what’s happening in your life, get another perspective, and identify one realistic next step.
No judgment.
No pretending.
No pressure to have everything figured out.
And no, I’m not your therapist or a licensed professional coach. These conversations aren’t therapy or professional counseling.
I’m just Shay.
A woman who’s figuring out her own shit while having real conversations with other women doing the same.
“Girl, let me tell you what’s going on.”
“Girl… I need the whole damn hour.”
BOOK YOUR FREE TALK IT OUT WITH SHAY CONVERSATION AT SHAYBLEU.COM
Let’s talk about the real shit.
And let’s figure out what you’re actually going to DO about it.
Listen to Talk That Real 🎙️
This week’s Talk It Out with Shay conversation is about calling myself out, recognizing the gap between what I say I want and what I’m actually doing, and deciding that I’m done making excuses for the things I can change.
I’m not coming to you with a perfect life or a list of everything I’ve mastered.
I’m coming to you as I am.
And we’re talking that real shit.
Listen to Talk It Out with Shay on Spotify, and join me as I keep figuring out this thing called life—one uncomfortable conversation and one real adjustment at a time.
If this blog made you think of a woman who’s been putting herself last, send it to her.
And if it made you think about your own unfinished goals?
Girl, you know what to do.
GET BUSY.
Sometimes you just need a little pep talk.
And sometimes you need a fucking reality check.
With love, laughs, and a whole lot of accountability,
Shay 💙🩷
ShayBleu.com | Talk It Out with Shay