Navigating the Loneliness of Pregnancy in My Late 30s
Hey Bleu Bells,
I want to share something a bit personal today—navigating the unexpected loneliness that has come with my pregnancy in my late 30s. The excitement of expecting is there, but it's shadowed by a solitude I hadn’t anticipated.
A Shift in Social Circles
My early 30s were filled with close friendships that drifted as life took us on different paths. My social circle has changed dramatically as I’m about to bring a new life—this change, coupled with the absence of family in my immediate home state. Living in Houston with no family never bothered me until this new chapter hit me!
Wow, I can’t believe I am saying this. As I grow into this new person, I feel my original social circles have changed because life takes you in different directions. I’m learning this is life. Social circles change as your life drastically changes.
Growing up, you believe the people around you will be the people in your life forever; well, I did. I used to think my former best friends in Cleveland, Ohio, would be my child’s godparents; we would be at each other’s weddings and raise kids together. Life always has a different path from what you believe to be true. We grow just like plants; like plants, they outgrow the surrounding plants in the soil with them from time to time.
Honestly, it was my norm. Living in Cleveland, I had a support system of friends, but it didn’t feel right as I matured. I felt as if it wasn’t enough for me to grow. I felt small. I knew there was more to life than what I was living. I felt I grew out of the people I befriended at a younger age, so I searched for what was needed to grow as an adult in my career, exposure, and overall happiness. So, I moved to Houston, where life instantly changed.
Now, in this new chapter in my life. I traveled, met amazing people, and consistently grew, but was that enough? It was back then, until COVID hit, and life drastically changed in the blink of an eye. I knew I wanted more from life, and what I had wouldn’t cut it. Here we go again with the search…
Now, I am in that new chapter of life. And it looks so different based on the people in it. You never think your social circles slowly shift based on life experiences, new additions, and career moves. I never thought being pregnant could be a lonely venture, but I am not the person I once was when I first moved to Houston. I’ve changed every year, not negatively, but in a way that helped me look at what I truly wanted from life. The search continues…
Seeking Solace in Solitude
I find myself seeking refuge in my car, away from home, where I can be alone with my thoughts, jotting down my feelings in a journal or trying to catch up on work. It’s a confusing tug-of-war between craving space and battling loneliness. I sit with my thoughts alone, trying to find clarity, but I realize I’m holding myself back from my true potential. I need to use the time wisely. If I isolate myself, I must transform that time into something useful, consistently building Shaybleu and not thinking about a future that hasn’t come yet, living in the past that already happened, or worrying about the present when I have the power in real-time to change it.
People often ask if I’m excited about the pregnancy, and while I say yes, a part of me feels I’m missing the joy of this journey because of my isolated life. Of course, this is by choice. I can say I am a different human being. I love being out and enjoying life and being alone with my thoughts. I feel magic can happen in both instances.
I’ve been pondering whether to channel my energy into making Shaybleu a platform for my voice—a place for expression and connection. Could this blog become a community where support is mutual? Where do others feeling the same isolation find solace and strength?
There’s an ease in sharing with you, my readers, that I don’t find elsewhere. It's therapeutic, but I sometimes wonder, is it enough? This digital interaction fills some gaps, but the need for human connection, for a shared physical presence, sometimes feels unmet. So I ask myself this question: Is it me? Do I isolate myself from others purposely for a reason? Is it time to find a community of individuals who seek the same path? The search continues…
So, as I navigate this complex mix of excitement and solitude, I’m learning to accept this phase, to reach out when possible, and to cherish the moments of connection, no matter how small. Thank you for being a part of my journey, for every comment, every shared experience—it truly means the world.
“Sometimes it’s hard accepting reality”
