Tuesday Truth — Finding My Way Back to Feminine
Hey Bleu Bells,
Lately, I’ve felt trapped in what I can only describe as a constant “fight‑or‑fix” mode—shoulders tight, voice sharp, emotions locked behind a fortress of get‑it‑done energy. I keep calling it masculine, but maybe the better word is rigid. Somewhere between paying bills, chasing content deadlines, and cleaning up life’s messes, I lost the softness I once recognized as my feminine side.
1. What Is Feminine, Anyway?
Google will tell you that “feminine” means nurturing, receptive, intuitive, and gentle. But real life isn’t that simple. Some days, gentleness looks like a spreadsheet that saves the household budget; other days, it’s curling up to cry without apologizing for the tears. Maybe the real definition of femininity is being allowed to feel—to receive help, to rest, to stop clenching every muscle in preparation for the next crisis.
2. Why I Default to “Fix‑It” Mode
History: I grew up learning that if I didn’t handle my own finances, no one else would.
Pattern: I’ve dated men who left the heavy lifting—emotional and financial—squarely on my shoulders.
Survival: When you spend years in survival mode, softness can feel like a luxury you can’t afford.
So I armored up. That armor helped me graduate, pay rent, and keep food on the table. But it also calcified around my heart.
3. Signs I’m Out of Balance
Snapping at minor inconveniences.
Struggling to accept help (even free babysitting feels uncomfortable).
Equating rest with laziness. I hate that I am so tired now after the baby. I just want my energy back to complete all my tasks and I feel like I am playing catch up everyday its annoying.
I feel guilty when I want to get my feet or nails done because I think the money will go to my debt, not to myself.
4. How I’m Trying to Reclaim Softness
Define it for me. Softness doesn’t mean weakness; it means permission to breathe.
Ask (and accept) help. When her godmother offers to watch Sariah, I say yes—and I don’t apologize.
Body before budget. Scheduling workouts isn’t vanity; it signals my nervous system that I’m safe enough to care for myself.
Tiny rituals: Lighting a candle, working out, cleaning the whole house, writing a to-do list, reminding myself this shit will end. I need constant reminders to stop being so bitchy all the time.
Therapy & trusted friends: Talking through childhood money wounds and relationship patterns so I stop replaying them.
5. An Invitation
If you’ve ever felt stuck in “fix‑it” mode, tell me: What helps you soften? Drop a comment with your tips, mantras, or stories. Let’s figure out—together—how to balance strength with tenderness, hustle with grace.
Maybe femininity isn’t something you earn after the work is done; maybe it’s something you practice while the work is happening, one gentle breath at a time.
