Embracing the Unknown: My Journey into Motherhood
Hey Bleu Bells,
I'm diving into something deeply personal today—my journey into motherhood and the swirling mix of emotions it's stirring up. It’s surreal, honestly, and as someone who tends to keep things close to the chest, opening up about my fears and worries isn't easy.
My baby girl flipping around!!!
Lately, every flutter of fear seems amplified. My recent 20-week checkup threw us a curveball; I've been referred to a high-risk specialist to ensure our baby girl is getting all the nutrients she needs for proper growth. The thought alone sends my heart racing.
On top of this, my job is hanging in the balance of uncertainty. Over half of my department was let go, and I'm in limbo, waiting to find out where I stand. The stress is palpable, but I'm doing my best to keep a level head—for me and for my baby.
I try to stay anchored in positivity, but it's a battle. Every wave of worry that crashes over me is met with an effort to refocus on positive images—of holding my baby girl, of her father embracing her for the first time. These thoughts are my lifeline back to calm.
Calvin, ever the rock, reminds me often: "Don't borrow trouble from tomorrow." And he's right. Worrying won't change what will be, but it's a hard habit to break, especially now. Today, though, I had a small win. HISD confirmed I still have a position, though what that position will be remains a mystery. It’s a small comfort, a bit of ground under my feet in a constantly shifting landscape.
Through all this, I am consistently trying to embrace and enjoy this moment of being pregnant. Despite all the sickness and constant food changes, she does not like it. I love just rubbing my belly and talking to her. It's surreal sometimes because I always wondered how I would look pregnant when I started dating Calvin.
Honestly, kids were not on the menu before him. Now, don’t get me wrong; I love babies and kids, but I never pictured myself as a mother. I never thought it could be me. Me a Mom? It's still crazy to say aloud. Based on my childhood, I knew the number one thing I wanted for my kids was consistent parenting from both parties. Moving from house to house was unstable for me as a child. I know parenting is not easy or perfect; it is a privilege.
My mom and Me!!!
It is a great honor to bring life into the world, and I want to embrace it, and model practices for her to be better than me or make better decisions. I am excited to see who she will become but also scared at the same time!
That’s why it scares me so much: I want her to be healthy and happy. My worry starts to increase because I am no longer worried about myself. Pregnancy has pushed me to advocate more fiercely for myself and my health. It teaches me the critical importance of speaking up because if we don’t, we live with regret.
So, my blogs will change a bit just based on my life transitions. I am excited to take you all along my roller coaster life of fears, motherhood, career changes, blog enhancements, etc..
We have a new Bleu Bell joining us soon!!!
So here I am, sharing this with you all, tearing off the bandage with no anesthesia. It’s raw, it’s real, and it’s my current truth. We’re in this together, navigating the waves of life, finding our balance one day at a time.
Thank you for being part of this journey with me. Your support means the world.
Until next time, keep shining, Bleu Bells.
Shaybleu 💙
Life is happening!!!!
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Life is happening!!!! 〰️
Please Comment Below!!!!
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Please Comment Below!!!! 〰️
Hey Bleu Bells, Please share my blog with those interested in the topics discussed! I always love new Bells to the community! Let’s make magic together!