Overcoming Self-Doubt During Pregnancy: Navigating the Emotional Waves
Hey Bleu Bells,
I'm currently sailing through a new season of life, one that involves growing a life inside me at what the docs call a "geriatric pregnancy" age—yeah, in my late 30s! And let me tell you, it’s been a rollercoaster of emotions and self-doubt. It comes in waves. Some days, I’m in all and excited about becoming a mom; other days, I feel this rush of doubt. It pulls me down and instantly creates fear, worry, and doubt. The questions start to pile up…
Questions like, "Do we have enough money?" "Have I traveled enough?" “Am I too old to be a mom?” “Will I be the same person?” Will I be a good role model for my daughter?” "Am I where I want to be career-wise?" "Will I be a good mom or just mess it all up?" It feels like a relentless wave of imposter syndrome.
Wow, motherhood. It still feels different saying it because I’m not a mother yet, but I feel like a ton of responsibility is on my shoulders. I feel a ton of responsibility for a person who is not here. I don’t want to mess this up. But I also want to enjoy it. I want to enjoy this moment of creating life. I still can’t believe it. This is happening now! Sometimes, it’s crazy to say aloud.
But am I missing it? I’ve moved so fast, moving on from one thing to the next. My life has constantly felt like a to-do list. But you know what? Becoming a mother is not something you cross off your to-do list. It stays on the list forever.
Becoming a mother is not something I take lightly. It is life-changing and life-altering positively. I now hold a person’s life in my hand. This a vulnerable and fragile moment in my life because I am no longer in control of what is happening to my body while nesting a baby; the real deal happens when she is born. What happens then? I am no longer in control of what can happen to either of us, which, and you know what? It scares me the most.
I can only wait and take action when it comes. Ugh, the agony! But what can I do? Nothing. Nothing at all. I feel like Aladdin!
I want to ensure my daughter doesn’t feel this fear I feel or even inherit it. I’ve been an avid worrier my whole adult life, and it’s not worth it. You lose sleep over shit you can’t control, and then you waste a day of your life stressing over it. So my practice as a new mother is not to stress over shit I can’t control and focus on 3 things I learned from Tony Robbins.
Focus on-What you have
Focus on-What you control
Focus on-The balance between present and future
One of the biggest things I wrestle with is the idea of giving my child a "better life" than I had. So, what does that even mean? Sure, we all want to provide stability and a nurturing environment, but how do we do that without just handing everything to them on a silver platter? I realize it’s about modeling behavior, not just providing materials.
Children are like sponges, soaking up everything around them. So, if I want to teach healthy living, I must embody that lifestyle. It’s not enough to tell her what's right; I must show her through my actions. This realization is terrifying because it means I must be my best self—not just for me, but for her.
Meeting my nephew, Baby Saint, for the first time was surreal!!!! He is amazing!!
The pressure is immense, but it’s also a call to action. I want to instill confidence, bravery, ambition, and true happiness in my little girl. I want her to reach for the stars, not because I told her she could, but because she saw her mom reaching, too, no matter the hardship.
Calvin recently said your kids are the only people who know you work overtime. So, with that being said, I plan to work overtime on my passions, myself, and my health. This is what I want her to see and practice. The hardest person you work for is yourself.
So here I am, Bleu Bells, sharing my raw, unfiltered journey with you. It’s scary, but it’s real. And if you’re on a similar path, know you’re not alone. Let’s navigate these emotional waves together, pushing towards the shores of self-assurance and unconditional love.
“We are what we visualize ”
I want to shout out to all the mothers this week!!! Happy Mother’s Day. I can’t believe I will be a part of the crew starting next year!!! But I am super excited and honored to be called a mother. As I said before, it is a privilege to just be pregnant and then a blessing to become a mother.
I hope you all enjoy your day with your loved ones. Thank you so much for your amazing comments on my last post. It is truly an honor to read all the supportive messages. I truly value you all!
Hey Baby Saint!!!!